When life is good, it's better not to ask why.|
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Johanna S.'s LiveJournal:
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|Sunday, February 6th, 2005|
|Fuck me, I'm bored - surveys!!
.birthday: June 20th - every year
.age: 25 and counting
.school you go to: Haven't been to school in 10 years, babes
.job: In a court, sitting in trials being bored to tears, mothering convicts
.best friend: Several, no-one sticks out as 'the best'
.bf/gf?: Nope - in a questionable relationship with a guy who grates my nerves all the time. Can't work, won't work - confuses people all the same!
AT THE MOMENT
.Hair color: brown with reddish highlights.
.Hair style: Layered bob
.When was the last time you washed it?: This morning a fter the gym
.Clothes: Gray turtleneck, black joggingbottoms, trainers
.Undies:Mismatched - blacl pants, peach bra
.Make up: Whatever's left from today
.Thinking about: Going home, cooking
.Mom's name: Won't disclose
.Dad's name: Won't disclose
.Do you get along with your siblings: N/A
.If you're an only child, do you like it?: it's all good.
.do you like going to your grandparents house? N/A, not alive
.name of the person you like/are going out with: N/A
.why do you like him/her? N/A
.is there anything about them that you don't like? N/A
.do you think you love this person?: N/A
.what do you think about love?: What a loads of bollocks
.what do you think about soul mates?: Quite possible, but you never have to be involved with them.
.what do you think about sex before marriage?: Go ahead, should you so wish.
.do you meet most of your friends at school?: I meet them everywhere!
.Which of your friends gets on your nerves the most? All of those who are settled and make a big fucking fuss about it.
.Why? Because I hate it when people try to make it look like my way of life is wrong some way.
.List all your friends: I won't - should I forget someone, there'd be hell to pay :-P
.How many is that?: A few, but not many.
.Do you hang out with them on a regular basis?: I'm not much of a hang-outer - other people tend to cramp my style.
.place the above people in the following catagories:
.do you think you're popular?: Not particularly - I'm more like the square peg!
.Does it matter to you whether you're popular or not?: Fuck it - I don't like evryone, why should they like me.
.What was said to you this week that you can't stop thinking about?: Nothing - it's all water under the bridge.
.Who said it?:N/A
.Why did they say it?: N/A
.Why does this stick out above everything else said to you this week?: N/A
.What was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?: That underneath the aloofness, I'm really cool.
.What was the nicest thing you've ever told someone? That they can always cont on me.
.Has anyone ever confessed that they LIKE you? Och aye.Weirdoes.
.Have you ever confessed that you like someone else? Nope.
.do you have trouble expressing your emotions or saying the hard stuff? Emotions, yeah. Hard stuff...not really.
.What time do you wake up in the morning? About 4.45
.What time does work/school start for you?: 6 am
.What do you usually do after school/work?: Go home, chill out, go to the gym.
.What do you do in your spare time?: Watch movies, go to the gym, listen to music, 'space out'
.Why do you like it?: It's 'me time', which is always good.
.Do you procrastinate or do you get your work in on time? I procrastinate until the final hour, then I get the work done on time.
.Is the way you look important to you?: Yeah and no.
.What do you have issues with (list all)? Other people :-P!
.What do you think of Abercrombie?: Brrrrrhhhhblah?
.What is the one thing you'd like to accomplish in your life? To be revered in my job.
1). YOUR PORN STAR NAME - (NAME OF FIRST PET + STREET YOU LIVE ON): Ines Inverleith
2). YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME - (GRANDMOTHER'S FIRST NAME + FAVORITE SNACK FOOD): Emma Doritos
3). YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME - (FIRST WORD YOU SEE ON YOUR LEFT + FAVORITE RESTAURANT): Lander Jasmin
4). YOUR FOREIGN NAME - (FAVORITE SPICE GIRL + LAST FOREIGN VACATION SPOT): Geri Paris
5). YOUR SOCIALITE NAME - (SILLIEST CHILDHOOD NICKNAME + FIRST TOWN WHERE YOU PARTIED): Angel Stockholm
6). YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME - (FIRST INITIAL + FIRST THREE LETTERS OF YOUR LAST NAME) J Sim
7). YOUR DETECTIVE NAME - (FAVORITE ANIMAL + NAME OF HIGH SCHOOL): Fox Elisenvaara
8). YOUR BARFLY NAME - (LAST SNACK FOOD YOU ATE + YOUR FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK): Pringles Whisky
9). YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME - (MIDDLE NAME + STREET WHERE YOU FIRST LIVED): Delaney Turun
10). YOUR ROCK STAR NAME - (FAVORITE CANDY + FAVORITE MUSICIAN'S LAST NAME): Allsorts Lennon
11). YOUR "POPULAR" NAME - (FAVORITE CELEBRITY'S FIRST NAME + BEST FRIEND'S STREET NAME): Angelina Moredun
12). YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME - (NAME OF [OPPOSITE SEX] FRIEND + CELL PHONE COMPANY YOU USE):Chris Orange
Right, so, I'm fucking about like a mad idoti at the moment. I'm supposed to get up at around 4.30 tomorrow to get to work, and all I do is sit aorund waiting for a few of my mates to hook up their IMs, so I can whinge to them about how stressed I am when I'm really not. Current Mood: bored
|Tuesday, February 1st, 2005|
Oh why, oh why, OH WHY do I have to suffer iditos at work all the time. Looks like our lot has finally taken some heed from the bastards that work in another court, and started forming cliques. I've had enough of their stupid, immature scheming. I mean, we deal with pretty bad people - and instead of working like a team the lot works like a bunch of twats.
It's a right pain, trying to do a hazardous job when you perfectly well know that you cannot trust your colleagues.
Let me explain.
I work in a court. In another court the staff can only be desribed as something out of a horror film with all the mental violence and backstabbing they do. Whenever you work there, you're not safe.
Our team was pretty well united. Now, it looks like a member of staff who's about to leave is stirring up shit left, right and centre. Suddenly our unted team has split into a group of three and the rest of us, with the rest of us being a target of accusations regarding the effort we put in in our work.
I don't know..one of the 'three kings' told me today that ought to say even the awkward problems, and not just moan about it. Not such an easy job, telling someone I used to consider as a friend, that I find his behaviour repulsive and very immature. I know I should have just launched into a whole tirade of abuse along the lines that 'you're a useless, selfish moaning bastard, who likes to manipulate people and who thinks that he's constantly funny even when he's just an irritating minger with no fucking brains in his head'.
Damn, I feel so much better writing that.But don't even get me started on that shit-stirrer-useless-piece-of-a-fucking-e
Anyway - three days of work a head, and then I can settle into a weekend that will consist on reading, the gym and 'Assault on Precinct 13'. Lovely. Current Mood: annoyed
|Sunday, January 30th, 2005|
|So, I'm supposedly moving house today..
Stressed. How the hell can a person acquire this much stuff in the course of a year? When I moved to Scotland I came with two bags, and now..what the fuck's going on? I've dumped the majority of my books, all the shit I don't need a gotten rid of most of my clother, and still I'm swamped with stuff..
Anyway, a new week ahead as well. Damn - I've not had a single moment to relax this weekend, with all this packing and stressing about stuff going on.Work shouldn't be overtly busy, but hey, with a six am start who cares if it's busy or not, it's still a pain in the arse.
An joy of all joys, my bus card expires on Wednesday, and I'm completely broke, making it more that probable that I'll start walking to work at the mid-week - leaving the house at 5 am.
If only it would be the next weekend already - I could actually chill out, go to the cinema and the gym, and not have to fret about all this crap about moving house..
Other stuff - personal life in an annoying limbo at the moment. One of my best friends threatens to set me up with someone. I'm still acting on my old instincts as a commitment-phobe, at the same time drooling over someone I come across every now and then, and who's definitely bad news - several-times divorced man who most certainly has got a vindictive streak in him. Oh well - the heart want what the heart wants, even when it's not wise.
I am also now a part of some sort of meotional blackmail in a way I do not understand. To make it short, and even more complicated that it already it, a colleague of mine is using my one-night stand against another colleague. Since I did not do the dirty with anyone they know (or with wither of them), and it's all about the reason why I left our night out rather than anything else, I have not go the faintest idea what the hell is going on. Maybe tomorrow this situation will be cleared for me, because I'm completely baffled by it all.
I swear, sometimes I think I'm working with a bunch of freaks.
Right - I'd better head off. I'm due to visit my new house in an hour, so I need to get home and organize myself a taxt to take all my biggest stuff there. I'm hoping to get my keys organized, too, so I can start moving on my own schedule. Damn..I just want it all to be done so I can sit down in front of the TV and watch new new series of 'Dalziel and Pascoe' - unless my other flatmates have other ideas planned. Current Mood: listless
|Saturday, January 29th, 2005|
|Survey - I'm bored and living in a half-empty house.
1. What time is it? 20.49
2. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: 25
3. Date that you regularly blow them out? Everyone :-P
4. Pets: None, would like a cat or a ferret
5. Eye color: Green
6. Real/Died hair color: Dark brown/reddish brown
7. Piercings: ears, gave up the nose one ages ago
8. Tattoos: Four, would like a few more
9. How much do you love your job? I love bits of it, but I's day, that in total..not a lot, but enough.
10. Favorite color: Purple
11. Current residence: Moving house in Scotland.
12. Favorite food: Fish and chips. Live on Doritos and coffee, though!
13. Been to Africa? Nope
14. Been toilet papering? Eh?
15. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Och aye
16. Been in a car accident? No, even though I drive like a mad woman.
a. been hit by a car while walking? Nah
b. been hit by a car while riding your bike? nearly
17. Croutons or bacon bit? croutons
18. Sprite or 7UP? Either
19. Favorite movie? Fight Club
20. Favorite Holiday? Las vegas, or San Francisco
21. Favorite day of the week? Wednesday
22. Favorite word or phrase: 'Put it this way', or 'oh fuck me'..
23. Favorite Restaurant: Eh..don't have one.
24. Favorite Drink: Coffee everytime
25. Favorite sport to watch: Ice hockey, athletics
26. Preferred type of ice cream: Cherry or chocolate
27. Favorite Sesame Street Character: Don't have one.
28. Disney or Warner Bros? Warner Bros
29. Favorite Fast food restaurant: KFC
30. When was your last hospital visit? December 3rd, in the A&E
31. What color is your bedroom carpet? Green at the moment, from tomorrow onwards it'll be a wood floor.
32. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Once
33. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? Nope
34. Which single store would you choose to max out your credit card? M.A.C. definitely. Or GAP
35. What do you do most often when you are bored? Read stuff. listen to my CDs/
36. Most annoying thing people ask me/say to me? Oh, cheer up. Oh why don't you FUCK OFF!!
37. Bedtime: Too late.
38. Last Movie you saw: Alexander, which I though was great. Everyone else hates it, though..
39. Do you prefer Theater or movie: Movie
40. Time when you finished this: 20.56 Current Mood: blah
|Tuesday, January 25th, 2005|
|Oh well, never mind..
Awaiting a hectic fortnight.
Moving houses and flatmates this weekend. Doing fuck all next week. The week after that going to Liverpool for two days to do some job-hunting related stuff (OK, an entrance examination type stuff, more like - the importance of which is just hitting me..eeek!).
Work is a load of crap at the moment. Every single person moaning about this and that, backstabbing running riot in every nook and cranny. it's not big, it's not clever, and it's not funny at all. I still find it amusing that bunch of grown-up people can revert to school playground tactics - we're supposed to work in teams to keep ourselves and the public safe from dangerous criminals, for fuck's sake!
I'm not too bothered at the moment, but am veginning to sink into the feeling that I really shopuldn't trust anyone I work with to keep any secrets. Hell, the only person who knows the true meaning of my upcoming Liverpool trip is my supervisor, who hopefully can keep his mouth shut.
But yeah, Liverpool *happy sigh*...I'm actually looking forward to that. A nice trip to a new city, a night in a hotel, new surroundings...it'll be fab. Current Mood: bouncy
|Saturday, January 8th, 2005|
God, why do all the bad things in someones life happen at the same time?
I'm discontent in my job, just want to get hideously drunk every night, and am being kicked out of teh flat at the ned of this month. Yeah, yeah, we knew about the fact that our landlord's selling the flat, but we've been lazy as hell..
So now I have three weeks to find a place to live. I'll hear from one place tonight, and I really hope I'll get it. If not, the hunt will continue.
God I hate changes like this when they come at a short notice. Any stability that there is going on is fastly vanishing.
And I'm pissed off because of another reason. Why do I always end up sitting next to some bloody annoying freak who talks to himself when I'm trying to update my journal? Current Mood: annoyed
|Thursday, January 6th, 2005|
|Back to normality
Here I am - technically skiving from work. I have come to the realization that doing a real, permanent runner from work right now would be a foolish thing to do.
Yes, some of the supervisors are a pain in the arse - they shall be my oractical way of learning self-control, because 'he who angers you conquers you' (Eliz Kenny). They shall be on the receiving end of my indifference, my lack of true respect.
Yes, I have to deal with the biggest scum on this earth. What fantastic material to my writing, what great insight to a world that isn't seen by the majority.
So I have decided to stay put. At 25 years odl there's no ppoint of me going for a job that I'll end up binning in a matter of months, I do want something more stable that I can base my life on. None of this shit..
In line with all my moody writings, cop a load of this..
I have to find the fact that my borderline score is so low pretty interesting..that sounds like me. Current Mood: enlightened
|Sunday, January 2nd, 2005|
A few quizzes to alleviate the boredom, and musings on randomness.
Back in Scotland on Wednesday night. At the moment, more than before, I feel a need to just pack up and move to another city. I have a good two weeks’ holiday left before May, so I might just dedicate them for my search for a new base, a new home, a new life.
Don’t even know why – just feel restless and not at all content at the moment. Yeah, I have my friends, my job, my gym, my volunteering, and it’s not enough. I want something more out of life, something better, something that’s more ‘me’ that this endless cycle of work, the pub, home, the gym.
It’s not a question of not wanting to leave the house I grew up in – if I stay here I’ll never be the person I really am. The surroundings used to hold me back so much…I was always pretending to be someone I wasn’t. It’s hard to be different in an environment that is not supportive in any way.
And now my current surroundings are holding me back. I’m not using my full potential, my full desires, going for my true aspirations. I’m stuck in a hole that consists of things that make me more volatile, more aggressive, that make me feel like I’m being driven into a corner with no way out.
So now I need to formulate a plan of escape. Where to go, what to do, when to do it? I have applied for a job I might get, and that might start in around April. Should that happen, I would be more than willing to stay in at my old job until that. But if not, then I need to get the fuck out ASAP. It’s not the job that gets me, but the people; shit management, stories on supervisors relying on bullying tactics, rumours on people being moved to another ‘units’ to work. My immediate cue to leave would be if they’d move me to work under the supervisors that are known for their incompetence and bad leadership.
I don’t bow down to bad leadership – never again after having to do so in the army. I’d rather search for another job, go on the dole, than have to suffer people working way out of their league.
Take the quiz: "Which Queer Eye Guy Are You?"
You are Kyan! Always conscious of how you look, you don't consider your face ready for the day without moisturizing. Your bathroom is probably spotless. You could navigate a hair salon blindfolded. Keep stylin' away, and don't forget, cleanse, then moisturize!
Take the quiz: "Which Reservoir Dogs character are you?"
You deal with the situations when they come the best way you know how. Current Mood: determined
|Emerald City calls..
I have to stop playing with my camera phone. I have a slightly indecent photo from 'Oz' as my wallpaper, and my ringing tone is 'Robson' saying: This can go two ways: kick or kiss. They'll both end tha same way: with my dick up your ass.
As Cartman would say in South Park: SWEET!!
So yes, I have been overdosing on 'Oz' again. You'd kinda think it'd stop being that interesting now that I deal with criminals five days a week, but no..still going on strong.
, Christopher Keller.
Convicted June 16, 1998. Felony murder, 2 counts
attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon,
robbery, driving while under the influence,
reckless driving. Sentence: 88 years. Up for
parole in 50 years. Transferred to
Massachusetts to stand trial for the murder of
Hank Schillinger in 2001. Transferred back to
Oz in 2002.
Convicted February 2002. Murder of Bryce Tibbetts.
Yep. You're one sick puppy. Adebisi and Schillinger
are evil, but you, you're a psychopath. You
also happen to be a sexual predator, and
Beecher is your...um, prey. You also walk
around nude a lot. Put some pants on. HBO's Oz: Which of Tobias Beecher's Podmates are You? brought to you by Quizilla
Miguel Alvarez Who's your OZ bitch? brought to you by Quizilla
You're Enrique Morales.
. materialistic . cold . formal . Which HBO's OZ Character Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
You are Leo Glynn, the warden.
You run all of Oz and are generally fair about it.
You do your best--it's a tough job--and your
lapses in judgment are few and far between. You
love your family deeply and sometimes (What am
I saying? Always.) let those feelings influence
the way you do your job.
However, you're not very connected with the
prisoners. You have an "us v. them"
mentality that makes it hard for you to
understand them, and them you.
For some reason, McManus can wheedle nearly
anything out of you. Which CO from HBO's Oz are you? brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: Oz-ed out, and loving it!
|Saturday, January 1st, 2005|
|The first proper post
I’ve moved away from my old journal, because it’s all filled with drunken debauchery – the best time to write a journal is when you’re drunk, isn’t it? In light of recognizing that I might have a slight drinking problem (hah, on a bog-standard alcoholism checklist three ‘yes’ answers indicate a problem, so my seven do count as a problem indeed), I’ve decided to turn a new leaf on the matter – on a lot of things.
I’ve seen the good effect of booze, the bad ones. I’ve lost a few relationships because of my intolerable behaviour during my time, which...well, I don’t look back at them and feel like I’ve lost anything overtly significant, but I could’ve dealt with things better.
Year 2005…I’ll be 26 this year. So many years lost because I’ve spent it doing things I shouldn’t have, holding my true self back. I think it’s time to get cracking and become the person I really am. There’s no chance of happiness for me if I continue this way.
Now I only have to find out who I am, because I think I’ve lost the way during the years I’ve spent being an arse.
That’s the hardest question to answer in the end: who am I? Current Mood: drained
|New Year - new things
I have finally moved to another journal. Time to be re-born, to start doing things the way I like to do them. To hang around in dive bars, to write things, to see everything at a different perspective. Welcome to my world.
You Are a Warrior Soul
You're a strong person and sometimes seen as intimidating.
You don't give up. You're committed and brave.
Truly adventuresome, you are not afraid of going to battle.
Extremely protective of loved ones, you root for the underdog.
You are picky about details and rigorous in your methods.
You also value honesty and fairness a great deal.
You can be outspoken, intimidating, headstrong, and demanding.
You're a hardliner who demands the best from themselves and others.
Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul
You're the Rock Star!Take What sort of Hipster are you? today!Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.
Fuck college, fuck a "real" job! Music is your life! You're a hometown hero! You're in at least two local bands and are thinking of forming a third. You sleep on your friend's couch, eat your friend's food, and borrow your friend's car. You frequent the dark city bars and hang with the other rockers and groupies. You wear dirty jeans, well-worn t-shirts, and your hair is a mess. You're sinister and mysterious and look as if you don't give a shit. You worship the Rolling Stones, MC5, and your older brother's band. You're gonna make it big one of these days, you can just feel it. SUMMARY OF 2004
1.What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Worked in a police station. Restrained a violent prisoner.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I made any last year. I will make resolutions this year, but I’ll form them with some serious thought in the next few days.
3. Did someone close to you give birth?
Yep, my old school pal. Damn, everyone’s got kids bar me. Thank fuck.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope, all are alive.
5. What countries did you visit?
Apart from travelling from where I live to where my parents live (UK and Finland respectively), I didn’t travel at all.
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
A job I feel immensely passionate about.
7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 20: my shitty birthday when I got drunk on my own. November 23: when my colleague got stabbed. December 3: when I got assaulted at work by a custody.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Leaving a job I hated.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Relapsing on certain things and substances. Not going to the gym because of it. Ending up in a job where the psychological enviroment is pretty harmful for me.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Both, namely an injury due to the assault.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My Queer As Folk- soundtrack, namely because it’s got one song on it that really lifts my spirits.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My colleagues – their strenght when dealing with all the shit that’s going on was and is amazing.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The supervisors at another ‘unit’ of where I work. Their bullying tactics are revolting and disgusting, and I wish that they will be eliminated from their positions as soon as possible, and brought back to earth with a short, sharp shove. And a kick in the head.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Apart from bills? Music, movies, caffeine, alcohol.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Career planning, physical training, improvement of myself.
16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Anything by the Scissor Sisters, especially Comfortably Numb.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
Both. I’m probably fighting a lot of emotions I fought on my final year at Uni, a lot of destructive emotions – but I feel quite optimistic in regards of what I might be able to achieve in 2005.
ii. thinner or fatter?
I am thinner now that I was last year, but not as thin as last month. Something I think my attention is slowly diverting towards.
iii. richer or poorer?
Way poorer, and not happy about it at all.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Training. Thinking things through before doing them/saying them.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being a commitmentphobic, borderline schizoid, paranoid bastard.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it at home. Next year – who knows, I might be at work.
22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
I had several unsuitable crushes on unattainable people – commitmentphobes, married, gay, straight – you name it. But love – honey, I don’t believe in love.
23. Any one-night stands?
One, which I severy regret, and that only happened because of my drinking and because I was pissed off at someone. A revenge- fuck indeed. Never again.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Green Wing. Plus old episodes of Queer as Folk, Spaced, C.S.I..
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Only most of the people I’ve met in the past year :-P.
26. What was the best book you read?
Sidetracked by Henning Mankell.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The song ‘Can’t get you out of my thoughts’ by the Dumdums.
28. What did you want and get?
A new job.
29. What did you want and not get?
A new job I love.
30. Favorite film of this year?
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Twenty-five. I was at work on a building site, then went home and got heinously drunk on my own in my kitchen.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having my old comrades from Wales around me.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Pretty much same as before - randomness. This will change in 2005.
34. What kept you sane?
Music, my time on my own. Training at the gym.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Jorja Fox, probably.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The US election.
37. Who do you miss?
Certain people I knew when I was a student. Oh, glory days..
38. Who was the best new person you met?
My team at work. Sgts Murray and Hutchison, haha (oh how I miss them).
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
There's always an option.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I need to be cleansed
It's time to make amends
For all of the fun
The damage is done
And I feel diseased
I'm down on my knees
And I need forgiveness
Someone to bear witness
To the goodness within
Beneath the sin
Although I may flirt
With all kinds of dirt
To the point of disease
Now I want release
From all this decay
Take it away
There's someone who cares
With a heart of gold
To have and to hold Depeche Mode:To have And To Hold Current Mood: energetic