Johanna S. (johannas) wrote,
Johanna S.

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Self-awareness is not a good thing

I have to stop watching my flatmates 'Sex and the City' DVD, or I'll just go completely insane.
I have just waken up to the realization, that if I'd tell someone at work that I've been watching the series in question, they'd never believe me, because it's 'so girlie' and, I quote, 'you're not a real girl'.

Now - what is it that makes a female a female? Should I stop understanding dirty jokes, and telling them back? Should I permanently start wearing a skirt and heels, giggle like an brainless bimbo and pretend to be helpless. Should I quit my job and take on something more feminine as a way to make my living?
It's all annoying me very much at the moment. Yeah, the guys take me seriously because I don't do the whole bimbo thing, and I feel great for not having to pretend to be something I'm not, but ultimately, it's not good enough for them.
Let me get something straight - I have serious issues about commitment and relationships. Yeah, I recognize that I am very self-obsessed, put my jhob, my stuff first, and whould be a total nightmare to date because I am pretty much a control freak when it comes to my life. However, seeing as every guy I meet sees me as a 'good bloke', I think I haven't even been given a chance to fuck it all up myself. And that's depressing. I don't know if men around here have problems dealing with someone who can probably be describes, in fashionable terms, and alpha female, maybe because of a lack of self-confidence, but it's damn sure I don't want to compromise with who I am and having a relationship.

And speaking of strong women..
Pic of Sara
You're Sara. Tough chick with a secret vunerable
side that you don't like people to see.

Which CSI are you?
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You're Calleigh "Bullet Girl" Duquesne

What CSI: Miami character are you?
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